I feel myself breaking slightly.

Like the four corners of a sheet being pulled too much on either end,

If one of the forces pulling the fabric is weaker than the other, then that force will topple, and the sheet will remain intact,

However, when all forces are equal in strength, demand and power –

The sheet shreds.

However this occurance is a slow process,

For first, the tendons of the fabric begin to show

Then those tendons flex and extenuate, trying desperately to hold on

Like hands that remain connected by mere fingers,

And the bones that hold the fingers in place begin to wiggle under the skin

Then it tears.

Then all the forces, no matter their muscle and might,

All fall backward; like a coordinated disaster replaying in slow motion

Their feet kick up from underneath them, and they fall to the ground,

And just like the sheet they all were fighting over,

They shatter like glass.  

Today was a day alright. I started it with convincing one of my best friends not to do something. When my efforts flopped, I slept in his bed since he left for the night. It was a dreamless and solid chunk of time I’ll never get back. My alarm threw me out of bed at 7:40, and by 8:00AM I was in class. Media Writing is a fun class, just too early. I failed a quiz, took notes, talked with the person to my right, and then rejoiced in an ironic reference during an example grammar problem. A sample police report was supposed to be turned into a lead of a story - or a compelling first line that is written with the precision of heart surgery. The road that the car accident, not incident occurred was a road that my friend and I nearly got hit by a car on ourselves about a month and a half ago.

I went to go get lunch with no particular plan, and ended up eating with some friends (I don’t plan to meet people anymore, I just run into people). Instead of going to class, I went to a Study Abroad Fair among organizations I’ll never be able to afford. Then I took a nap after realizing someone had cancelled my interview with an Autism Facility. Then I met up with people randomly again, did homework for an hour, captioned some photos that were late for the newspaper, and walked over in the sleet to Starbucks about a half mile away. I’m doing the Dvfar Torah in Friday’s service, which is a metaphorical interpretation in speech form of the Torah’s passage from that week. This week’s was the exile from Egypt.

Then I went to the house, awkwardly attempted to talk to some friends and a few girls that I invited over the house, then went back to my dorm and here we are. Things will get better. Just gotta breathe.

I miss my dog, and I miss this place.

When you are on the seam, you’ve ventured far out and onto the cusp of the line,

The rise before the fall, that last plateau that has a sole purpose of protecting you,

And you use it like a ramp to gain speed, go flying out into space,

Praying something catches you.

I think it’s possible to want something so bad it kills you,

and I think I’m dangerously close to that point you hit,

When you want something so bad,

You forget what you’re giving up

Just to get it.